Statement of Intent

by Tom X. Chao

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Tim Mooney
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Tim Mooney Tom's voice is like velvet. Favorite track: I Just Sat Down.
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1.
Well, I'm moving back to Hollywood; I gotta get some new friends I've been away too long, yeah; I gotta find some new friends I'm sorry that that crazy guy killed all of my old friends Yeah, I'm sorry that that cult killed all of my old friends Well, it looks like I got out just in time Thanks to the people who helped deprogram me I was the only one who made it out alive The hillside was blazing, and naked I ran outside I'm moving back to Hollywood; I gotta get some new friends I've been away too long, yeah; could you all be my new friends? Let's go to Barney's Beanery and get some chili, my friends After I lay a wreath at the grave of my old friends The FBI was unable to close the case The killers are running loose with all their power tools I can never forget the sights I saw Somebody option my screenplay, it must have legs Hey, man … say, man … spray tan … no Feeding pigeons … having visions … invent religions … whoa Vermont … Larchmont … taco restaurant … that’s what I want Take the 10 West … past the 5 North … to the 101 … then get off When the sun sets over House of Pies in Hollywood After your friends are murdered, and you're alone in Hollywood Look up your contacts from film school now in Hollywood Raise a solitary toast at Ye Rustic Inn … in Hollywood
2.
1. I have heard that they have got some pretty girls around here, although I cannot find any of them Where the f-ck is everyone? I don’t know… 2. I just landed at the spaceport Wondering where the pretty girls are There’s nobody in this food court Only robots working the sushi bar 3. Thought there'd be some swinging revels Where the hell's the party rave scene? Suddenly on higher levels I see my face flash on a giant screen! Bridge Around the world, the church bells rang "Tom Chao must die," everyone sang Ten billion aliens laughed aloud They burned my picture in a crowd! They showed it all on CNN Rolled back and showed it all again The aliens storm into the streets Their hatred of me is complete! 4. Then I shriek and run for cover All these androids want to blast me Jetpack cyborg starts to hover Over the escape pod I really need! 5. Woman in the spacesuit locker, she takes off her metal bra and beckons to me; I run towards her, then fall through a huge hole I never saw! 6. Now I’m floating, trapped in stasis While a huge mob waits to burn me Why did I leave Earth? This place is nothing like the ads they show on TV!
3.
I ride the elevator up fifty floors or so I look out of the window at tiny figures below Fog's rolling in somehow A flashing light in Frogtown I cannot help you right now I just sat down Chorus: I just sat down I just took off my coat I just walked in the door Where is the coffee cart? Is it up on our floor? There's footsteps in the hall There's something going wrong Don't put me on conference call I just sat down Chorus: I just sat down I just turned on my laptop I haven't checked my e-mail I can't think without caffeine Someone hopes I will fail I hear some anxious murmurs I see an unhappy frown Someone restart the servers I just sat down Chorus: I just sat down Bridge You can see it in his eyes, the CEO is tiring of spending so much of his own money on new hiring He’s going to use AI, then start conspiring with HR to do a lot of firing Why are you talking to me? Can't you see I just got here? I cannot find any keys I sense some danger near Outside the air is heavy The sky is turning brown I feel it on my skin I just sat down Chorus: I just sat down
4.
It’s too early to celebrate Christmas Christmas is still three weeks away We hate to see your to-do list is crammed with plans for the holiday It’s too early to celebrate Christmas Please exert some self-control When you start too early and become breathless You invite madness into your soul Put away fruitcakes and toy trains and huge inflatable candy canes, also the pear tree with the bird Hold off on the festive cheese logs, sexy elves, or heavily spiked eggnogs until at least the twenty-third Trying to buy the frankincense, but there’s more incidents of road rage in the parking lot down by the mall It hasn’t even snowed, and it’s too soon for sensory overload, so just sit back and watch the evening fall It’s too early to celebrate Christmas It’s too late to stop the onslaught of cheer Don’t make the day about retail business You make yourself seem insincere When the swearing and uncaring become grossly overbearing and you’re tearing at your hair while trimming trees Someone pass some laws to cause your neighbor’s robot Santa Claus to pause, then you can unclench your jaw and breathe It’s too early to celebrate Christmas Christmas is not some kind of test It’s too early to celebrate Christmas For Christ’s sake, give it a rest
5.
1. I have heard that they have got some pretty girls around here, although I cannot find any of them Where the ---- is everyone? I don’t know… 2. I just landed at the spaceport Wondering where the pretty girls are There’s nobody in this food court Only robots working the sushi bar 3. Thought there'd be some swinging revels Where the hell's the party rave scene? Suddenly on higher levels I see my face flash on a giant screen! Bridge Around the world, the church bells rang "Tom Chao must die," everyone sang Ten billion aliens laughed aloud They burned my picture in a crowd! They showed it all on CNN Rolled back and showed it all again The aliens storm into the streets Their hatred of me is complete! 4. Then I shriek and run for cover All these androids want to blast me Jetpack cyborg starts to hover Over the escape pod I really need! 5. Woman in the spacesuit locker, she takes off her metal bra and beckons to me; I run towards her, then fall through a huge hole I never saw! 6. Now I’m floating, trapped in stasis While a huge mob waits to burn me Why did I leave Earth? This place is nothing like the ads they show on TV!

about

Tom X. Chao presents “Moving Back to Hollywood,” “I Have Heard,” and “I Just Sat Down.” Also, “It’s Too Early to Celebrate Christmas” was released in the fall of 2023 as the first single. These are the first new songs by Tom X. Chao in over 10 years.

Co-produced by Tom X. Chao and Vern Woodhead (Woodhead, Grace Bergere, Martin Bisi, Highly Effective People). Collaborators include Chris Stromquist (Slavic Soul Party!, Mustafina, Kultur Shock, Estos Gritos), drums; Janette Lallier (St. Patrick's Cathedral), soprano vocals; and José Aarón Ramírez AKA Pop Disaster, drum programming.

Notes:
Moving Back to Hollywood: Heavy rockin’, Vern channels VU and Television with blazing electric guitars, Chris rumbles on the toms, Tom recounts an autobiographical story.
I Have Heard: An acoustic/electric futuristic sci-fi pop song which takes the listener on an incredible journey of wonder and amazement. Loads of instruments. (Note both clean and explicit versions of "I Have Heard" exist.)
I Just Sat Down: Synth pop will never die! Pollard syndrums make a comeback. The virtual Casio CZ-101 provides a burbling bass. Tom harmonizes with himself.
It’s Too Early to Celebrate Christmas: It’s its own thing. Poppy, straightforward. Snare cross-stick in the bridge. Vern walks the bass all over the place. Tom serves up clever wordplay. Janette provides choral vocals. Okay to play any time of year except Dec 23-25.

Bio:
Tom X. Chao is known for creating numerous theatrical shows in New York City and Canada for over 25 years, but he has also composed and released several original songs during that time. Theater work: Chao most recently presented Hot for Feminist Theory Professor, co-created with Kim Katzberg (The Brick). Also: Callous Cad, a one-act comedy, at HERE, originally debuted at Dixon Place, The Alternative Lifestyle Fair in the Ontological Theater's Tiny Theater festival, and The Peculiar Utterance of the Day: Live on Stage at the Frigid Festival. In 2006, he presented Can’t Get Started at the Edmonton Fringe Festival. Chao toured with his sketch comedy show, Freak Out Under the Apple Tree, to the Montreal, Toronto, and Winnipeg Fringe Festivals in 2005. Chao's comedy Cats Can See the Devil was selected for the print anthology Plays and Playwrights 2004. Chao previously held a residency at the Horse Trade Theatre Group. He staged original pieces at the invitation of P.S.122, Surf Reality, BRIC Studio, and Confluence Theatre Company, among others. He's performed comedic monologues and sketches at many NYC venues. Excerpts from his plays have appeared in monologue anthologies for actors. He is based in lower Manhattan.

credits

released February 29, 2024

Music & lyrics by Tom X. Chao.

Tom X. Chao: Lead and backing vocals, synthesizer, drum programming, hand percussion
Vern Woodhead: Electric guitar, electric bass, choral vocals
Chris Stromquist: Drums (except "I Just Sat Down")
Janette Lallier: Soprano vocals ("It's Too Early to Celebrate Christmas," "I Have Heard")
José Aarón Ramírez AKA Pop Disaster: Drum programming ("I Just Sat Down")

Recorded at TXC Heavy Industries Studio, FiDi, Manhattan, NYC.
Guitar and bass recorded by Vern Woodhead.
Drums recorded by Chris Stromquist at C1 Studios.

Mixed by Ken Rich at Grand Street Recording.
Mastered by Mitch Rackin at Deep Dive Recording.

Photo of TXC: Vern Woodhead
Design and photos: Tom X. Chao

Tomxchao.com
Tom would like to thank everyone for their contributions, and especially expresses extreme gratitude to Vern for his considerable assistance.

©2024 Tom X. Chao

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Tom X. Chao Manhattan, New York

Tom X. Chao is a playwright, actor, and musician based in lower Manhattan, NYC. He has composed and performed original songs for several of his plays. His original music includes a four-song EP, "The Only Record," and two singles.

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